Reflections

Frozen Emotions

In the world of the elements, water represents our emotional selves. As I wake up to some ice outside, I wonder what frozen emotions are like. Is it possible that we have pockets of emotions that we think are dealt with, but they're really just frozen bits of ourselves.

What happens when they thaw out?

Watching Prayers for Bobby last night, I thnk I hit some icey patches. It's been along time since I thought about, with any depth, my 12+ year struggle reconciling my spirituality and sexuality. And although I read the book, watching the movie has opened up a new set of emotions for me. It probably only adds to the mix that the watery sign of Pisces is just around the corner.

I think I'm realizing that there are probably other patches of ice inside of me. Places that, when the time is right, will be warmed by the light of the sun and turn to water so they can return to the earth. So today I'm grateful for finding the icey patches in my life that need to be brought to the light of the sun.

The Voice

Deep inside of me, there is a voice that is seeking to be fully heard.  Sometimes it speaks to me through my writing.  Sometimes it speaks through my thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes it even speaks to me through the outside world such as through a song or a bit of overheard conversation.  Regardless of how it speaks, it's goal is simply to be heard.  

Sometimes I get a sense of urgency that there is something that is important that is seeking to be heard and yet I'm not sure how to let it get expressed.  For me, this is when slowing down, sitting quietly, and just writing comes to my aid.  I love to sit in the dark of the early morning with only the glow of my laptop screen to light my face.  This is when I write, just to write.  There is no goal other than that of authenticity.  It is here that I just want to speak my truth through the combination of letters and spaces that flow from my fingers.  It's really not about impressing anyone or even sharing an opinion.  It's about letting the voice be heard.  Giving it space for it to just exist outside of myself in a way that brings it to life.  

I believe that this voice comes from deep within my Soul.  And like many aspects of my Soul, it's goal is a fullness of self-expression in the world.  Like my purpose, this voice realizes it's mission by being brought to life outside of the Soul in the outer world.  In many ways, by giving space for the voice, I am creating space for other aspects of my soul's purpose to come to life.  

All the voice asks is that I slow down long enough to hear it, to express it, to let it come forth.  

I guess this is really what Reflections is about.  It's about giving space for the voice to be heard, if for no one other than myself.  In doing so, I'm learning more about what's deep inside of me longing to be expressed.  

What's your voice saying to you?

I recommend checking out Parc Guell when you're in Barcelona, Spain

One of my most favorite times traveling internationally was the afternoon I spent at Parc Guell in Barcelona after a work conference.

This is the most amazing outdoor park I have ever been to. Designed by Artist/Architect Gaudi it is full of his famous mosaic pieces. It is also on a hill above Barcelona so you can see the whole of the city and the Med from the park. Great people watching place as well!

Technology Break

So this past weekend, I decided to take a technology break.  Kinda.  What this meant was no TV, no laptop, and little to no iPhone.  Instead, I focused on working with Tyler to paint a room in our home and on just being without technology.  I would say I probably achieved a 70% reduction in my technology usage over Saturday and most of Sunday.  

Why did I do this?  I guess most of last week I found myself plugged in on a regular basis to Facebook, email, and other technologies that felt like I was waiting for someone else to say or write something that I needed to respond to.  I realized how I was often more plugged into my iPhone or laptop than I was to the people around me or the tasks that I needed to focus on.  

I'm not saying that technology is the problem.  It's more about my dependancy on it.  It's about me being able to just be present with myself, by myself, without the need to hear what is happening somewhere outside of me.  From the place of being present with myself, I can begin to be present with Tyler in a different way as well.  

It wasn't perfect by any stretch, but it was a break and an opportunity to get unplugged and get reconnected to myself. 

BTW, it did help to completely disconnect the TV from the wall.  ;)

Dogs

This is one I could write about for days, probably.  As the proud owner of 3 Toy Fox Terriers, there is absolutely nothing I love more than being with them.  Actually, being with my husband and them is probably better, but this is a post about dogs, not husbands.  ;)  

So when I wake up, they are sleeping up against me almost holding me in place in my bed.  If I can manage to extract myself from the bed without stirring them too much, I am free to get to my studio for some blog or me time.  Once the youngest realizes I've left her in bed, she gets up and comes to the door of my studio and sniffs very loudly to let me know she's there.  I take her outside and then she comes back in and goes back to bed.  

When I get home from work, she rushes to the door to greet me and waits for me to set all my stuff down so she can give me the proper 72 puppy dog kisses to let me know she's glad I'm home.  Just her excitement to see me or Tyler when we come home is so welcoming.  They are so trusting and loving all the time.

They look to us to take care of them and make sure they have what they need.  I wonder how I would react if I were in their situation.  What kind of dog would I be?  Would I be so focused on expressing love to my owner?  What would it take for me express more love even in my life as a human?  

Maybe I'll look for someone that needs puppy kisses today.  Or perhaps just a smile.  ;) 

My road-trip mix tape

Feeling Good by Nina Simone

Six Feet Under

King of the Road by Brokeback Mountain

Just an amazing arrangement for a classic road song

Hometown Glory by Adele

Bit of new to balance the old!

Help!

 What is it about our society that says it's not ok to ask for help?  Lately, I've been thinking about the value of self-reliance and what role it plays in our development as a community.  The reality is that self-reliance does nothing but further insulate us from one another.  When I'm faced with a challenge, I have a choice.  I can either try and resolve the challenge myself or I can ask for help from friends, colleagues, or even strangers on the internet.  

Why is it that more often than not, we try and resolve the issue ourselves?  Is it out of embarrassment or from not wanting to look incapable?  By not asking for help, we reinforce the patterns that cause us to live in isolation from one another keeping us locked in our own worlds where reputation and the outer face we present are more important than the purpose or results we're seeking to accomplish.  

I have some amazing friends and lately I've taken on too much in my life.  The other day, I realized that I was still beating myself up for not accomplishing some actions I've had for over a month.  Finally, one of my colleagues asked me how the action was coming.  I just sent back an email saying "Help!"  This one email freed me up to let go of the need for looking competent and instead support others in getting the task done.  

As I've thought about this, I realize that "Help" is the one phrase that can build community and collaboration within all aspects of our society.  Asking for help creates space for others to join in.  Now I'm not saying we can abandon our responsibilities and ask for help all the time, but I don't think that's the problem most people have in our western civilization.  Instead, I believe that we have a problem with self-reliance and concern about image and reputation.  

So I invite you to join me today in thinking about how asking for Help could bring me into deeper relationships with people, bring me out of my home/office and into the collaborative world of community.  

Soundtrack:  Aeoliah, Radiance

A New Collective Neural Pathway

Yesterday was an amazing day!  With the inauguration of President Barack Obama, the hopes and dreams of millions of people around the world took one GIANT step closer to reality.  Imagine the energy generated by the millions of kids around this world that now know they too could be President.  

When our hopes and dreams see a breakthrough, historical moment like this happening in reality, not just in Hollywood, there is a huge shift of energy that moves all of us a long way down the spectrum of impossibility to reality.  That shift happened yesterday not just for the African-American community, but also for the LGBT/Queer community as well.  For the first time, EVER, the WhiteHouse.gov website includes LGBT issues under the Civil Rights section of the President's Agenda.  And the belief that politics can be a uniting force as opposed to a dividing force just jumped even more into the world of reality.  

What's interesting to me about yesterday is that we have just created a new neural pathway in our collective consciousness.  Just as each of us individually have our own beliefs and ways of processing information based on the neural pathways in our brain, I believe we have those as a collective community as well.  Those pathways/beliefs we reinforce get stronger.  Those we don't get weaker.  However, if we want, we can create a new neural pathway by changing our thoughts and beliefs.  And sometime, we can experience a shift in reality so great that we experience neural pathway breakthrough.  The person who "never wins anything" win's something and can now no longer say this is a simple example.  

Creating new neural pathways takes energy.  It can be draining.  And sometimes it can be easy to allow disbelief to come in and deny reality in such a way that we go back to the old ways of thinking.  So today, I'm going to give myself some grace as well as some reminders.  Some grace to not expect everything to change overnight.  And some reminders about what I believe is going to be different.  

We have an opportunity to make a quantum leap in our way of thinking and being when it comes to our country and what is possible.  Allow the energy to start to flow through our new collective ways of thinking and being.  And perhaps, just perhaps, we will truly become the change we wish to see in the world.  

Soundtrack:  Variations on the Kanon by Pachelbel, George Winston

My Inauguration

Webster says that the word inauguration is defined as:

• 1: to induct into an office with suitable ceremonies
• 2 a: to dedicate ceremoniously : observe formally the beginning of <inaugurate a new school>
  b: to bring about the beginning of   

As an American, today is a day that will go down in history as the first time America inaugurated an African American into the Office of the President.   It's also a day that for many feels not just like a new beginning, but an important ending.

I believe that today is potentially the most important day with regards to American Leadership I will see in my lifetime.  For this country to elect an authentic, collaborative leader that believes in empowering people rather than controlling them, we have truly set a new standard of leadership in public office, and possibly everywhere else.  

As I opened my computer this morning, I received today's email from Neale Donald Walsh telling me today is my inauguration.  I had to laugh a bit.  What exactly would I be inaugurating myself into today?  What is it that I am completing and beginning?  

I think about my own leadership efforts.  Not just at work, but more importantly my self-leadership.  Am I being the change I want to see in the world?  Am I letting go of the past in such a way that it frees me to move courageously towards a new future?  Am I focused more on the ending or the beginning?

Today is a special day for America.  In fact, you could say it's a momentous time for the world.  So with that much energy and intention around change and hope for the future flying around the planet today, I find myself asking, "What is the change I want to be in the world?"  

A Change is Already Coming...

I love this old soul song by Sam Cooke.  In fact, I especially love Leela James version that came out a few years ago.  Yesterday as I sat and watched what is now being called the "Obama-stock" concert on HBO, I found myself realizing that it's not "gonna come" anymore, it's already on its way.  The actions that have taken place over the last 35 years since that song was written have set in place an unstoppable train of change.   I wonder if those that were on the first cars of that train, people like MLK and Rosa Parks, would have ever thought that the changes they fought for could have led us here.   

Equally, I wonder what other trains of change have already left the station, both in my life as well as our collective experience as Americans and Global citizens.  For me personally, I was moved to tears while watching Josh Groban perform while he was backed up by the DC Gay Men's Chorus on yesterday's concert.  Who would have thought 30 years ago, that a Gay Men's chorus would be performing as part of a Presidential Inauguration?  Just as Marian Anderson sang at the Lincoln Memorial in 1939 after being declined an invitation by the Daughters of the American Republic because of the color of her skin, what will happen in the future following this performance?  

I know in my own life, I'm looking at changes I want to create.  And no matter what the changes, I am aware this morning that I have to ask what actions do I need to take to help the train get out of the station and set on the right track.  I may not even be conscious of the changes I'm creating.  But if like so many of these heroes that have gone before, I simply focus my actions and life on being true to what I believe in and am committed to, perhaps the sound of the engine and wheels on the tracks will start to be heard.  And I'll be on my way.  

Soundtrack:  Deuter, Lovesong from the Mountains