What is it about our society that says it's not ok to ask for help? Lately, I've been thinking about the value of self-reliance and what role it plays in our development as a community. The reality is that self-reliance does nothing but further insulate us from one another. When I'm faced with a challenge, I have a choice. I can either try and resolve the challenge myself or I can ask for help from friends, colleagues, or even strangers on the internet.
Why is it that more often than not, we try and resolve the issue ourselves? Is it out of embarrassment or from not wanting to look incapable? By not asking for help, we reinforce the patterns that cause us to live in isolation from one another keeping us locked in our own worlds where reputation and the outer face we present are more important than the purpose or results we're seeking to accomplish.
I have some amazing friends and lately I've taken on too much in my life. The other day, I realized that I was still beating myself up for not accomplishing some actions I've had for over a month. Finally, one of my colleagues asked me how the action was coming. I just sent back an email saying "Help!" This one email freed me up to let go of the need for looking competent and instead support others in getting the task done.
As I've thought about this, I realize that "Help" is the one phrase that can build community and collaboration within all aspects of our society. Asking for help creates space for others to join in. Now I'm not saying we can abandon our responsibilities and ask for help all the time, but I don't think that's the problem most people have in our western civilization. Instead, I believe that we have a problem with self-reliance and concern about image and reputation.
So I invite you to join me today in thinking about how asking for Help could bring me into deeper relationships with people, bring me out of my home/office and into the collaborative world of community.
Soundtrack: Aeoliah, Radiance
Good for you for asking for help! Asking for help sometimes feels like the ultimate vulnerability.
Recently I had some friends do a lunch "intervention" with me. They know I'm raising three boys basically on my own. They said that I never ask for help and they can see how I'm getting drained.
I never even thought about asking for help and frankly don't even know what to ask for!
Good for you in being clear and calling on your colleagues.
Posted by: Laurie | January 22, 2009 at 07:29 AM